More Signs and Anecdotes

INSIGHTFUL SIGNS

I didn't have room in my posting about our day on Gu Lang Yu island to provide an update on my sign collection. Today, I have 3 worthy additions. The first, is the sign of the guy falling on his head. This sign was posted around the climb to the statue of Zheng (the big stone statue of the great warrior who cleared Taiwan of foreigners). You saw our picture as we stood by the railing on the summit of this peak in our last post. This sign was attached to the railing along sheer cliffs where rappelling gear and a safety harness may have been in order.

This next sign is my favorite so far. It was posted in the Aviary on Gu Lang Yu. It was above a bunch of cockatoos. If you can't read it, allow me to repeat it verbatim:

"WE ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL, BUT WE CAN BITE YOU, SO PLEASE DON'T PLAY US"

The sign immediately below that reads:

"WARNING: DANG DEOUS

PLEASE KEEP AWAY"

I don't have my language reference books with me, but I think "DANG DEOUS" is a Latin swear word. It must be what some guy yelled when he got bit playin' the cockatoos.

This last one was posted on the lawn underneath a bunch of palm trees. It reads "Caution, Splinter." I think we get it. However, this lawn is apparently some sort of spike bed that can puncture your foot clear through (we stayed off the lawns).

TRAFFIC UPDATE

Another addition to the "Advanced Game of Chicken" driving school. Apparently, when on a 6 lane highway, and you are driving a reasonably large sized vehicle (like a bus) and you find you have entered an on ramp by mistake, you simple apply the break, place the vehicle in reverse and proceed to back down the ramp. When you are

clear of the ramp, simply make a right turn across two lanes of traffic until you are in your

desired lane. Pay no attention to the blaring horns of the vehicles behind you and those that are screaming past you. These are simply fellow motorists providing a polite warning that they are approaching your vehicle an they want to alert you to their presence.

Surprisingly, unlike New York, New Jersey, Chicago or any other major US city, these fellow motorists do not accompany their courtesy blast of the horn with any type of hand gesture or menacing facial expression or brandishing of a loaded firearm. It is quite civil, as if to say "very interesting maneuver, nicely played."

CAN CHINESE PEOPLE BUY LIFE INSURANCE..?

On our way to Jimei Village on Tuesday (see my next posting), a brave soul on a motorized bicycle (note, this is a motorized bicycle..NOT a motorcycle. A motorcycle would be a comparatively substantial vehicle) squeezed between us and a full sized tour bus to a make bold play to advance past another tour bus in front of us that was quickly coming to a stop. As I watched the bicyclist's life flash before my eyes, I wondered if people in China can actually get life insurance. If they can, as Lina told me they could, I would like to see a diagram of the underwriting algorithm that actually calculates the likely survival rate of a trip across the city. Lina as cute, she was very confused by my facetious question about insurance. All of this roadway chaos seemed quite normal and she could not understand why one would find it distressing. These drivers make the ice road truckers look like a bunch of pansies.

MORE ADVICE FOR PEDESTRIANS

The rule still holds that under no circumstances does the pedestrian EVER have the right-of-way. On the walk from our hotel to the ferry landing in Xiamen, there were two very significant hazards. The first was to cross 6 lanes of traffic. Now, the trick is that 2 lanes of cross traffic stop on the red light, and one lane can continue to turn. The opposite side has traffic from left turning vehicles onto the far lanes. The vehicles in the first lane fixin' to turn right keep coming...so wait until you get a break. Dart across the first lane and past the next two lanes but STOP in the middle, 'cause the left turners are comin' atcha. Wait for a break in the traffic, but be quick 'cause when the light changes the oncoming traffic will start to move. Be aware that buses move a little slower than the taxis and private cars, but they are bigger and will do more damage should you collide.

The second hazard was a bus depot that had an on and off ramp for the buses to leave the highway and pickup passengers. The side walk leads you right across this on ramp/off ramp. I discovered that bus drivers are so skilled that have little need to decelerate upon approach. They also believe that those ramps are their exclusive domains. I kid you not, if you are standing in the middle of that lane when a bus is exiting the highway they will not even slow down...these drivers have supreme confidence that your ability to move is greater, and of a higher probability, than their ability to successfully apply their brakes given their approach speed. Your best bet is to stop at the edge of the ramp...look up the road to see if you can spot a bus (and you usually can...but you're not sure if he will exit at this ramp)...give yourself at least 50 yards between you and an approaching bus and run like hell to the other side.

SALUTE...

I noticed a curious thing when we landed in Xiamen and then again when we were leaving. There are guys dressed in blue uniforms, with white helmets and safety vests (military I presume) that are posted around the airfield. When we landed this guy came out and saluted the plane. As you see in this photograph, the military guy saluted when the plane pulled to the gate (I missed him saluting...he was "at ease" here). He then stood and watched over the plane as it was worked on. Very bizarre. You can just image what was going the the minds of the baggage handlers..."hey white helmet guy! how 'bout given us a hand." It was hilarious to watch. The baggage handlers dropped a bag off the conveyor and on to the tarmac. They didn't notice it. Clearly the white helmet guy had to see it...but he didn't move. The baggage guys were leaving and the bag was still laying there...but white helmet guy didn't move. Finally, one of the baggage guys saw it and picked it up. Good thing for them...they might have gotten reported.

On my next posting I will introduce you to the story of the Chinese Rubber King and why green hats and turtles are not favored by young people....